When I see my desire rises...

I am currently watching a J-Dorama Dr.Koto Clinic. Not finished yet, still 3 episodes to go. So far so good, awesome really I do mean it.

The story is a about a doctor in a remote area of Japan called Shikina Island in which the doctor came all the way from Tokyo. He’s a great young doctor and surgeon, caring, also dependable to be in charge of everyone’s health in the society. He could be a great doctor in the city, but he came and stayed in a remote island. Can you see how much his commitment to be in a small island like that? He gave up the development of newest medical information and gave up the glory life of being a top doctor in a big city. Not a simple choice surely.

Skip about the drama, this is not my point today.


I always want to be a doctor. I want to be useful in my society, helping people in needs with every effort I can. I want to be a great, talented, reliable and dependable doctor who can serve my best to my patients and apply my ability to save every precious life.

I often imagine being a doctor in some of Indonesia’s remote area such as in a deep of Irian, Borneo, Celebes, Maluku, or somewhere in a corner of my homeland and definitely not in a city with good facilities whatsoever. I imagined my days taking care of the people who never taste a proper health facility and never treated properly by the government. Hey, there are so many people out there still struggling life without knowing that they have the rights of proper life also proper health! And I see my imagination nearly as exactly as how Dr.Koto Clinic described it. That’s why this series attracted my eyes.

But somehow I admit, I have some skepticism in my own idea. How hypocrite and naïve! Becoming a doctor is not something easy – quite hard in fact. After years in medical school, after all hard study years, I questioned myself. Will I be able to aside everything? Will I be able to defeat my own desire to earn money by applying my ability? Will I really be able to leave all my well-equipped life and devote myself in a remote area for my nation? I already have plans like a common teenager girl thinks. Yeah of course something like marry and have my own new family, have a good job, live well, even take further study – everything for myself, my family, and my bright future. I began doubting myself and losing my self principle.

Becoming someone really useful and dependable in a part of society, will I really be going through that idea? Will it be just another hypocrite theory of mine?

For God’s sake, I can’t just let that desire out of my mind! I DO want to spend sometime in a remote area, learning what my people really need, learning how my nation looks like from another side of view, learning what can I do more as an Indonesian for my homeland? Not forever, but for only a period of time.

I do hope some chance will really come for me so I can fulfill my desire and realize my idea, not only dream it.

Just like a bright star in the dark. I hope my existence is not only for myself but also for my nation. My star, Antares – the brightest star in my Scorpio Constellation - is  like a symbol for me to imply how people should be. One bright star in a star constellation lights the area around, so the dark found its guide. Means someone should be some use of the society for his own real existence.



I still have long ways to go, yes. Absolutely, I will pursue my dreams!